What crap i had been writing in my previous post ... whoof ... there are signs that things will get better. Another chance ... Let us see. A positive change or another dip or nothing ... praying and waiting. But the thing is i will stick to this blog ... though i am simply publishing crap here but it doesn't matter. Nobody is reading.

must change the blog skin. will find a site and switch to something classic. was listening to bunny a while ago. may be these are the vital signs. a step towards life and change. but again it is all conditional. a few more ifs and thens.

Maloom nahi yah aazmaish kab khatam ho gi --- abhi kuch dair pehlay mujay asiay laga kah shaed mera dil is boj ore gham say phat jaey --- Allah na karay kah is kay baad bhi mujay kisi ore aazmaish say guzarna paray --- Laikin kuch gair-unjan say khoof is bay tarah mujay pareshan keay daytay hain kah unka bayan na mumkin --- In waswason kay darmeyan yon akalay baithna parashani ko mazed do-chand keay dayta hay --- Andayshay hain kah barhay chalay jatay hain --- yon na ho jaey --- woon na ho jaey --- dil ajaeb tarah pareshan hay --- andayshon ko zuban per latay hoay darta hoon --- kah Khudanakhoasata --- dil per is boj ko kab tak bardasht karon? Ujab baychaini hay --- Ab mazed kuch bhi bura sunny ki himat nahi --- Allah karin kah is mushkil waqt ka jald ikhtatam ho --- ore mayri aazmaish jald khairat say unjam ko pohunchay.

ps: ab mayray aasaab taqreban jawab day chukay hain --- 1.5 saal aasab ko tornay phorany k liyay koi kam ursa nahi hota --- in sab haalaat ka zamadaar kon hay? Is sawal ka sahi jawab mayray pass nahi hai --- ore shaed kabhi ho bhi na --- kia pata main khod hee??? aj 1.5 saal baad khala main takti howi mujay apni in ankhon main nami bohat kuch jitati howi mahsos hoti hai --- is baat ka saboot hai kah bas --- ab mazed ki taab nahi muj main --- tot phot chuka hoon --- mazed nahi sah sakon ga ---

Ah ... the last 1.5 years ...

Perhaps one and a half year long period of difficulties is about to end. Things are shaping up - but until yesterday i was feeling almost completely shattered. These waves of depression squeeze every drop of life from the body and leave you with a pale face, sunken eyes, gray and dry hair ... And sometimes you skip your meals .... sit silently and forlornly without uttering a single word in whole twenty-four hours .... uncomfortable and partially sleepless slumbers ... periodic cycles of diversion towards religion or totally away from it .... the waves of depression which normally don't ebb off - where only a few waves are enough to shatter the already weak castles. Many things like these ... hard to explain and hardest to bear and survive through them. May be tomorrow is a better day for me. I can pray only.

HOPE

Worst

When all this will end i don't have any idea but so far this surely is the worst.

Sunday Morning

The day quite kicked off quite early despite the fact i hit the sack after 5 am. Could be the longest day in past several months.

Skipped office and had been to Dentist in the evening today. It was a ten minutes scaling session only. "You must use braces, it's cheap and costs sixteen thousand only - ten thousand advance fee and remaining amount in monthly installments which would be deducted from your salary", she told me as she picked up a needle from a stainless steel box. I lifted my head from big green chair i was almost lying on and looked backwards where she was standing and without showing any interest i told her that this piece of advice was never given to me before. Perhaps my answer or tone had annoyed her a bit.

It was the equipment in the clinic that impressed me more than her skills as a good surgeon. After the treatment she wasn't much interested in answering a couple questions regarding my problem and told me to be patient and wait till next scaling session. Earlier she had suggested braces as an ultimate solution. May be this was the reason for her lack of concern.

One of the lenses in my spectacles was loose in the frame and it slipped out, fell on the floor and broke into three pieces as soon as i picked them from the front pocket of my shirt while leaving the dentist's room. I felt a little bad while sliding the broken pieces towards the wall with my left shoe and wished i hadn't picked them out that moment. And now my left eye sees a blurry picture as i am wearing the same specs. I'll get them fixed tomorrow. Interestingly, in Lahore it costs only two hundred for a pair of lenses and in Islamabad this price starts from five hundred rupees. The quality of glass is same everywhere whether you buy it for five hundred from Karachi Company or from F10 for one thousand rupees.

And it's chicken curry in dinner tonight. Recently our cook has been changed and the taste of food has improved. I hope this quality and taste will be maintained as he (the cook) is quite
experienced and willing to work properly and stay here for a longer duration.

A Silent Return

My love for blogger will always remain there. After a gap of almost a year on blogspot and a total absence of more than a year has brought me back to blogging- may be this time it's a loyal blogger. (though there were some posts in that silent past). Maybe (Read 'actually') i wanted to avoid mob (a few people) around me. But for how long and who gives a 8888? Right?

GH, this time, is more sensible than he was in his past. He turned 27 this December. 27?? Yes. Wisdom tooth appeared long ago but wisdom and maturity were just following by. They shew their signs a bit late. Apart from it he has grown somewhat more gloomy and silent. Learning process has been stopped. This thing dreaded him so much that he was compelled to jolt his mind again. so here he is ... writing again. He forgot simple 'is, are, am' and even 19x19 was a big ? for him. An obvious downfall and a slow progression towards mental degradation - an ultimate death? And this is his greatest fear these days.

Another change he noticed that now he prefers clean humor. (ah dry throat ... picks up the 1.5 liter bottle of coke filled with water and guzzles). Well i have forgotten what i had had in my mind. Umm ... well ... ok let's start a new story, new paragraph.

Bloggers who inspired me once in the very early days of my blogging - it dates back to 2004, sighs, four years since then, are either not into blogging or have changed their writing styles or have simply said farewell to blogging. I wish some day they restart blogging the way it was.

There were many ups and downs in 2007 - an year of loneliness. My best companion was my PC throughout the year. Financially, it was a perfect year. I made several plans about several things and wasted time properly! 08 will be a year of many good changes, inshaAllah.

Now some goings on of the day: A person from previous company called in and offered me to join again. No doubt it was a lucrative job but then i wanted to move forward rather than taking a step back. Softly and respectfully told him that i was satisfied with my present job - that plain and prompt reply was a bit unexpected for him - and i could image the change in his facial expressions from normal to a slight disbelief. What an opportunity loser i am, he might have been thinking this for next one minute or so.

I don't want to go back and waste my time, life and everything associated. It hurts me - it really does, believe me.

And ten minutes before off time today, in my manager's office, seated in a chair where i was trying to read a letter placed on his table in a stealthy manner while he was on phone waiting for the call to be picked up from the other end, he just noticed my activity and nodded 'yes?' just to tell that i wasn't supposed to read that letter, i felt a bit ashamed of myself. Yes, i wasn't supposed to do that. But sometimes, we do such childish things.

Have an appointment from dentist tomorrow that required me to get blood tests again so that she can use her surgical instruments without any fear that the patient is not a carrier of HIV and Hepatitis. There was an HCV test too, I guess i have produced the correct name.

I've a plenty of work piled up on my office desk which requires a big brain and a plenty of hard work. Sometimes i badly realize that i am back to school again - where we don't have summer or winter vacations and no BATA kay Black school shoes and heavy school bags! But we have books. And pencils - as i still prefer them and feel a certain type of satisfaction when i sharp a pencil and hear the sound of sharpening, its fine and soft round flake that comes off the pencil and an attempt to sharp without segmenting the flake in a single go ... and then blowing away the sharp black filings from the sharpener blade - this habit was so strong that even today i keep it and try to sharp the pencil same way i used to in my childhood where we were forced to write with pencils despite our greatest charm-of-that-time 'fountain pens'.

Time in office hangs. 8 to 4 is dead slow while time from 5 to 9 flies at a very fast pace. I think i will always remain a person who feels difficulty and hates to get up early in the morning no matter how early he sleeps. And i recently came to know that this laziness is also by fate.

Allah Willing, In next posts i will try to share something more from my childhood stories. It is nice way to remember the time that can't be rewound back.

Almost 12 pm on the dial. I must end the post. Although it's a random ending today but i hope in the days to come there will be improvements.

Summarizing the day

• Woke up at 12 pm.
• Ironed clothes for tomorrow morning.
  
• A couple of Guests paid a short visit.
• Iftar at PH.
• Paid a visit to a friend.
  
• Returned home at 10 pm. Found a man prowling on the corner with a mauser in his hand. It was quite unusual; i think he might be a cop.
  

New Blogger

New blogger seems to be a better place than word press.

• It's dashboard is lively than the monochromatic wp dashboard.
• It's templates are better. They have grown user friendly, offer very flexible changes using a dialog box, and can be chosen from a vast variety of online available templates.
• Posts are automatically saved in text the editor - every minute, i guess. A time-stamp at the bottom of the text editor shows when the draft was saved last.
• Options of Add Video and Labels have been included in the new Blogger. Is Labels a new option? I can't recall.
  
• At least, for me, the options of blog stats in wp were useless. What is the benefit of counting the number of cars speeding through a high way round the clock even when you have an approximate idea of total traffic? And 'Guess-who-paid-a-visit or From-where' is also of very minor importance.
• My love for Blogspot has resurfaced again. A solid reason to start using Blogger.
  

He is still alive and doing a good job! Cheers! And he loves blogspot more 
than that shi**y wordpress.  Yes, it's true. 


Listening to: Dewana - Ali Azmat
Next movie in the queue sheet: Ice age 1.  (midnight show - tonight!)

Typical Feelings of a blogger

In this post, i have tried to explain some typical feelings of a blogger. This is what all of us say in our daily posts. This post is also like one of these, but with some difference; that includes a bit of sarcasm, a pinch of humor and some recollections under the heading ‘Nostalgic’ from a bloggers’ life. So, here it goes:


When he is Happy

Wow, Life would be so romantic, I had never imagined about it. I was a bit wrong about life in my previous posts (only bit??). Life is not that bad, and how it can be, when everything that comes in our way is so perfect (sounds cliché). Parents, relatives, friends and colleagues; everybody is so loving and caring. I love them very much.
And I love Cloud 89 too :)

Tired

*yawns*

He hasn’t slept for last two nights and tells his readers in the post stretched to three pages that he should go to bed now. Describes his physical condition i.e. at the moment his eyes are hardly open and dark circles under his eyes have appeared from somewhere (why? he wonders), he is out of mind (as always?) and can’t type words properly, even a heavy dose of nicotine is not helping in typing this s**t out. He then narrates the story why he couldn’t sleep. This story can run as:

Yesterday xyz paid a visit to our house from xyz city. On phone they told they have missed the flight and aren’t paying a visit on this weekend. We were just like :( But then the door bell rang, I opened the door and it was a surprise!

This story goes on including minor details like: “Ginger biscuits with Tea are so tempting, dinner was so so, then we played scrabble, watched xyz movie and Fanii missed his class as usual; why he is so lazy?” etc.

(And yes, the honorable guests did some shopping as well. Pardon me; I forgot to mention this ‘shopping stuff’ :)

Relax

Umm, I slept continuously for 27 hours (Really???). And now I am so fresh, believe me! My sis was telling mom that now I’ll never wake up :p (Dexters’ sis!)
I think, one day i will ring the neck of her dear cat.

Guests are gone. Whenever guests leave, a damn* silence prevails over the whole house – and then it gets on my nerves (true). But now I am familiar with it and i can fight well enough to beat it.

Would you like to have some coffee? I am going to the kitchen to bring a mug of black coffee for me - my blood is 60 % coffee.

(Mine is pure blood-- haan. Two weeks ago I got it tested :)

*Damn: A classical word extensively used to fabricate special effects in the posts – and it really works.

Energetic

Writes the lengthiest post of the month, visits all blogs in his sidebar and some blogs from the sidebars of his fellow bloggers as well. Leaves comments on all blogs (including blogs which are dead for over than a year- ‘Ding Dong – Anybody home?’). He tries to furnish analytical analysis, discusses socio-political and religious state of affairs, gives free advices, pokes nose unnecessarily in others affairs and tries to present himself as a lively and talkative person. In the end, he mentions the names of one or two voluminous books.

Reading now: Baa’rood ki Dewaar by General Sahib (Line of Fire – Gen. Musharraf)

Bored

He talks about the philosophy of life and spiritualism. Emphasizes that life needs a change. He doesn’t want to read comments even on his own blog (but keeps publishing new posts! And do you know he hates Orkut?)


Nostalgic

When he feels nostalgic he talks about his past time.

Sometimes, he tells us stories about how he used to hug the old banyan tree in the backyard, when he was a child; and that, this old tree was his only companion, because, at least, it had always lent him a shoulder to weep whenever he needed it - his only friend, with whom he could share all his innocent secrets without any fear of ‘leaking out’. Interestingly, two squirrels that lived in a pocket of that tree became familiar with him gradually! Aware of his presence, these two little creatures used to play hide-and-seek in front of him without any fear! Then one day, God knows where they disappeared; after that he never saw them. Perhaps they had moved somewhere else.


“Bhala ‘Baragd’ kay puranay darakht ko bhi koi yoon chor k jata hay?”, He asked himself forlornly. Ore Uskay baad say wo Kuch ore Tanhaa ho gaya.


He still remembers how unkindly she had refused to be his best friend only for the reason that her best friend was her mother? For a couple of days he remained upset.


He recalls his school days, tells us that he loved to play see-saw in rain, loved to go to his Nana Abu’s & Khala’s house and stay there with his age-mate cousins; and was very happy within the boundaries of his self-created world.


He further shares that those ‘Purani Jeans ore Guitar’ Walay Din were so amazing and unforgettable - And how can he scratch the SAD autumn evenings & a.m. telephonic counseling sessions from the canvas of his memories. He shares photographs from his album ‘The Candid’ and misses get-togethers with all his friends (They too, blog about the same!).


Acknowledges that buried ornaments don’t rust and so do the memories; that’s why, now, he has left them in an open air scrap yard to rust too badly, so that he may not recognize them even if he wants to. And he ends the post with a ‘Please leave me alone’ note.


Blank

Feeling nothing. It’s time to say good bye to all. I am leaving this blog world. Though the decision of leaving blogger wasn’t an easy one but I had no choice. So just take care and remember me in prayers. (And the funny aspect is they re-start blogging just after a month or so!!!)


And my dear bloggers! Although this wasn't a complete picture but to some extent, in this way this story goes on and on … with different tastes, flavors and varieties. And perhaps, I can’t say that ‘This is the End!!’

Adios

All in a Day's Work

While at work today, I was testing the features of one of our products by reading it’s manual. Work was in full momentum, everything was going fine, when on one page, unexpectedly, I came across an interesting note. So just thought to share it here.



Dustin and Jamie are our leads at US office!

Tag

Thank you Hani for such a nice tag. I would like to tag: Ammanna, Asma, EssJee and Gia.

Buying clothes:

1. Do you look at country of manufacture or quality of manufacture?
A:Quality.

2.Do you make sure they are natural fabrics?
A:No.

Generals:

3.Sunglasses, fashion or protection?
A:Protection

4.If you were a dog, would you bark or bite?
A:Bite

5.Do you turn your cellphone off before going to sleep?
A:No.

6.You came home from out and have an hour to go before going out to meet a friend,what is the most probable thing which you'll do in that hour?
A:I'll watch TV, as i rarey get time for it.

7.What's you favourite state of chocolate, liquid or solid?
A: Solid

8.What would you choose..A noticeable pay hike or noticeable improvement in work environment?
A: Noticeable Improvement in work environment.

9.What do you enjoy more.. Staying indoors with friends talking meaningfullyor hanging around with friends outdoors?
A:Meaningful talk? But it depends on mood.

and finally,

10. If all the music artists come to a deliberate agreement to perform their last concert on the same day,whose concert will you attend?
A: Junoon.

Two days ago when I reached home on eid holidays I thought it was the right time to give attention to my PC which I had been badly ignoring for the two months.

System was in a real poor condition. It was full of dust, deprived of Optical media (last time a CD was broken inside which damaged the drive) and mouse (My youngest brother was anxious to know that how these LEDs glow inside a mouse!!).

So, heaps of dust were wiped off, cables were connected and system was turned on. The sound of processor fan confirmed that system was switched on but its’ screen remained blank. I suspected that its’ hard disk was causing this problem. On checking it revealed that RAM wasn’t properly inserted in its’ slot and it was full of dust and carbon. The problem was fixed and system was rebooted.

But this time I came to know that system sirf maskeen hee nahi, yateem bhi tha. Operating system nidaa’rad. Resources were made available from market. And I tried again. This time there was some problem in power cables (pc). Both were interchanged and as soon as i switched on the supply there was a flash in the pc of monitor! Extension lead and cable both were replaced with new ones. And finally I was able to ‘Boot-from-CDROM’ and then an illegal copy of OS was installed successfully. Cheers! System was ready for operation!

Muft Mush’waray:

1. If you don’t have to use your machine for a long time, pack it in a dust chamber.

2. Never compromise on the condition of power cables, extensions and CDs.

3. Sharaarti Bachoon ore unkay dostoon ki pohunch say door rakhain :)


Shaed Subha EID ho jaiy … Sheer-Khorma khana ore Baron say Eidiii

layna na bhole’ay gaa! Kuch log Eid K din bhi ‘Chaand’ na nazar anay

ka gila kartay hain. Ab main samja, who loog yay kiyon kahtay hain

kah, “Eid to sirf Bachoon ki hee hoti hai” :)))


App Sab Ko EID MUBARAK!


P.S. Yar Irfi ! Yay mujhay ‘CHAAND’ kiyon nahi nazar aya abhi tak …? :)))

jiska daar tha wohi howa ... khair daikhtay hain kah kia kiya ja sakta hay ...

Comic # 2006001 -- EssJee Returns

If you are unable to view the image go to: www.nodeproxy.com, type my url there and press 'Browse'.


5 hours Later

Thanks to Allah.. i have finished heaps of office work ... phew. Going back to home...