What crap i had been writing in my previous post ... whoof ... there are signs that things will get better. Another chance ... Let us see. A positive change or another dip or nothing ... praying and waiting. But the thing is i will stick to this blog ... though i am simply publishing crap here but it doesn't matter. Nobody is reading.

must change the blog skin. will find a site and switch to something classic. was listening to bunny a while ago. may be these are the vital signs. a step towards life and change. but again it is all conditional. a few more ifs and thens.

Maloom nahi yah aazmaish kab khatam ho gi --- abhi kuch dair pehlay mujay asiay laga kah shaed mera dil is boj ore gham say phat jaey --- Allah na karay kah is kay baad bhi mujay kisi ore aazmaish say guzarna paray --- Laikin kuch gair-unjan say khoof is bay tarah mujay pareshan keay daytay hain kah unka bayan na mumkin --- In waswason kay darmeyan yon akalay baithna parashani ko mazed do-chand keay dayta hay --- Andayshay hain kah barhay chalay jatay hain --- yon na ho jaey --- woon na ho jaey --- dil ajaeb tarah pareshan hay --- andayshon ko zuban per latay hoay darta hoon --- kah Khudanakhoasata --- dil per is boj ko kab tak bardasht karon? Ujab baychaini hay --- Ab mazed kuch bhi bura sunny ki himat nahi --- Allah karin kah is mushkil waqt ka jald ikhtatam ho --- ore mayri aazmaish jald khairat say unjam ko pohunchay.

ps: ab mayray aasaab taqreban jawab day chukay hain --- 1.5 saal aasab ko tornay phorany k liyay koi kam ursa nahi hota --- in sab haalaat ka zamadaar kon hay? Is sawal ka sahi jawab mayray pass nahi hai --- ore shaed kabhi ho bhi na --- kia pata main khod hee??? aj 1.5 saal baad khala main takti howi mujay apni in ankhon main nami bohat kuch jitati howi mahsos hoti hai --- is baat ka saboot hai kah bas --- ab mazed ki taab nahi muj main --- tot phot chuka hoon --- mazed nahi sah sakon ga ---

Ah ... the last 1.5 years ...

Perhaps one and a half year long period of difficulties is about to end. Things are shaping up - but until yesterday i was feeling almost completely shattered. These waves of depression squeeze every drop of life from the body and leave you with a pale face, sunken eyes, gray and dry hair ... And sometimes you skip your meals .... sit silently and forlornly without uttering a single word in whole twenty-four hours .... uncomfortable and partially sleepless slumbers ... periodic cycles of diversion towards religion or totally away from it .... the waves of depression which normally don't ebb off - where only a few waves are enough to shatter the already weak castles. Many things like these ... hard to explain and hardest to bear and survive through them. May be tomorrow is a better day for me. I can pray only.

HOPE