[1] Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.


[2] We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.


[3] I take my wife everywhere.....But she keeps finding her way back.


[4]I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested the kitchen.


[5]We always hold hands.If I let go, she shops.


[6]She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".....So I bought her an electric chair.


[7]My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."


[8]She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off.


[9]She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"....The driver said "No, jump in!"


[10]Remember:Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

I married Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.


[11]I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.I don't like to interrupt her.


[12]The last fight was my fault though.My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!"